The pre-race crazy stage
I’m less than two weeks out from racing Moab Rocks for the second – and final – time. The current conversation in my head goes something like this.
How can I work so hard and still be so shit – maybe I didn’t work hard enough – ugh – I should have pushed harder – well it’s too late now. It’s fine I’ve done it before, I’ve got this. Wait – now I remember how hard that first day’s climb is – but wheee so fun when you get through that hard part – oh crap then there’s that last part after the finish line. But Baby Steps is so fun on day 2 right, yeah but then you get to that rubbish uppy bit in the middle. That part along the ridge with the amazing views. Yeah and then there’s that last bump up to the top. What was I thinking? They still need volunteers, maybe I can just volunteer instead.
It’s bloody non-stop. But I’ve tuned it out and am letting it run it’s course. I’m not engaging with the voices in my head. I did say this was the crazy stage.
The fairy tale stage
After not dying, actually finishing, and having a such a great time each day last year, I was glad to have done it but had zero need to do it again. Zero! My friends all signed up again and I was happy to cheer them on. At some point you forget the suffering enough that you’re open to new possibilities. This delusional period is the fairy tale stage.
But you’ll be stronger after a year of training. You’ve done it once, now you know what its all about. Come on, how much fun was that. You know you want to do it again – you’ll be sorry if you don’t. You’ll get to see all your friends, and ride bikes in the desert, you should go.
Somehow, you forget the horrid bits, and you sign up again with grand ambitions to do better. You get back to training and count on experience and training being great miracle workers. Because you’re a fool! A bloody fool.
The determined stage
The weather has worn me down – the constant game of will it snow, will the snow melt enough, trying to get the layers right, riding with too multiple layers is not the most comfortable, going to pee in the bush with multiple layers is also not great. Being too cold, being too hot, and then too cold, no amount of layers can stop the rain from pelting your face some days. I’ve learned that even goretex will soak through eventually. Maybe I didn’t work hard enough, but I put in a valiant effort week after week. When the weather was more than I could face, I put in some challenging hours on the spin bike – because there’s no negotiating on doing the work.
Doing the work is my only defense against the gremlins that might try to drag me into the snake pit of self doubt during the race.
Next stage? Execute
So next Monday morning I’ll start my drive south towards Moab. Will I be ready? No – but are you ever ready? Perhaps the best lesson that’s come out of this ridiculous idea of starting to race, is that I’ve learned to show up and be brave even when I’m terrified. And also to follow through with ridiculous ideas!
It may not look like it from my results, but I’ve worked so hard over the past year. A whole year of commitment and unwavering dedication to putting in the work. Showing up on that start line knowing that I’ve done my best to prepare is all I can do. I will keep reminding myself of how far I’ve come – from never having raced or ever having done any sort of structured training, to lining up for race #4.
I’ve learned to show up and be brave even when I’m terrified
There’ll be major angst around racer check-in and tying on that race plate, but it’s all part of the experience. I’m looking forward to seeing so many people that I know that day. It’s likely the only day I’ll see them over the course of the race, so might as well make the best of it.
When the alarm goes off on race day, it’s go time. You eat, you gather your bits, you double check and triple check that you have everything and then you make your way to start line. It’s almost like you’re too busy focusing on what needs to be done to be scared any more – you just do it. Once you’re on course, you just keep going.
My ever patient coach says race with your head first – so my head will stay positive and focused on success. Success is shaving a little bit of time off last year’s times, and having even more fun that I did last year. So I’ll just keep turning the pedals, one pedal stroke at a time.
Send good vibes please.