I often talk to people who are holding their heads in despair as they approach 50, thinking the end of the world is nigh. When I was turning 50, someone sent me this graphic as a birthday greeting. What a clever way to reframe it.
The year I turned 49, I took a solo trip to India. Being of Indian heritage, India was always on the list of places I wanted to see one day. With my approaching birthday being the start of my 50th year, I realised one day is now! (Spoiler alert, no matter what age you are, one day is now. Go do that thing! Whatever is calling you, answer! )There was a new urgency to it, so I booked the trip to spend my birthday in India and kick off my 50th year with a grand adventure.
There were so many things I loved about India and a number of things I did not. I promised myself I’d go back, just like I did with France and Italy. Well, it appears I’m terrible at keeping promises. But there are always new adventures calling.
My 50s have in so many ways, been the best years of my life. You will often hear people say that you find yourself in your 50s somehow. Or, maybe it’s not so much that you uncover a new version of you, you just realise that the version you’ve been trying to fix for so many years, is actually pretty damned great. If you’ve been through bad times, bad relationships, bad experiences, well they’re behind you now! You get to keep moving forward.
In my 50’s I found a new confidence, a new willingness to take a chance. It wasn’t so much that I was self assured, it was more that I was ok to risk looking stupid and just learning from it. I wasn’t going to miss out on big experiences just because I might look ridiculous having that experience. The possibility of things working out, of having a great time anyway also started to emerge. The absurdity of racing mountain bikes is one example of something that started to seem less absurd, and my answer shifted to why not.
But with the experience of racing bikes came opportunities for adventure. The first time I went to Moab to race the 3-day TransRockies Moab Rocks, I drove to Moab on my own. That was a big girl move for me. It would take 2 days to Salt Lake City where I’d connect with my friends and we’d head to Moab together.
After Moab I headed south for further adventures – I mean I’d come all this way, I might as well make the most of it. I headed to Capitol Reef National Park and then on to Bryce and Zion before spending a few days in Hurricane, UT. It was all new to me and every day was a new adventure.
There were adventures to Steamboat Springs, CO and to South Africa to race bikes that same year. These adventures sowed seeds for other adventures. The next time I went to the race in Colorado, I drove there and packed my camping gear. After the race, I headed north to Wyoming on mountain roads that made me question my GPS and consider the hours of daylight remaining. I camped at Grand Teton National Park where I rode my bike, watched moose doing moose things for hours, hiked, sat in the river and marveled at the the grandeur of it all.
A few days later, the road took me further north to Yellowstone. Trust me, it’s way further than you think. I watched bison grazing in the morning mist and was overwhelmed by the experience. How foolish I felt weeping at the side of the road. The wonder of it flooded my heart and could not be contained. How lucky was I to be there, in that moment, watching these majestic animals in their natural environment, on a perfect August morning. It is quite possible that every morning along the Madison River is a perfect morning.
Grand Teton is right up there with Capitol Reef as my favourite of the National Parks. The fact that I’ve been to enough National Parks to have a favourite delights me in so many ways.
Not all of my adventures are solo. Carrie and I snowshoed up to the lodge at Callaghan one winter. My affinity for winter is fading rapidly as I get older, but blue bird days in the mountains are nothing short of glorious. We flew to Whitehorse to ride bikes and look for northern lights. The northern lights were a no show but the riding was amazing. I went to the Chilcotins to ride, not once, but twice. Take two was mostly because I was not able to finish the ride after sustaining a concussion on the first trip, and really, really wanted to do that last day. The wild flowers were quite possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Nerina and I went to Tofino one winter to watch the storms, but it was unseasonably warm with zero storms so we sat on the beach in the sunshine. It was an ok trade. There have been beaches in Maui, in Oregon and in the Western Cape of South African and not for a moment do I take any of it for granted.
Just like I don’t take the people in my life for granted. My social circle is very much centred around my work at the BC Bike Race. Whenever someone asks how I know someone, it’s usually through work. But so many of these people have become dear friends. In March my friends Alan and Robert took on the Cape Epic in South Africa. I was already there (see above point about my distaste for winter) and became part of their support crew. Danie was their mechanic, Eldorette was the hostess managing the camper accommodation for Alan and his wife Val. These are all people who have come into my life through work. One of my favourite humans, James – just guess where I know him from!! – was also there and was an absolute gem when Alan needed moral support and encouragement to finish the race alone.
And then there’s Benjamin. Anyone who knows anything about me, knows Benjamin was my hero this summer when he made me a BC Bike Race finisher. He is the kindest, loveliest, most generous human being. Then there’s a friend who listened to me pour my heart out when I was confused and overwhelmed this summer. She said, “I can just sit here with you”. There were hundreds of miles between us, but in that moment, those words meant the world. I look at all these people in my life, and am so deeply grateful to call them my friends.
There have been so many wonderful moments with people I hold dear: time with Feroza when breakfast became lunch and then it was late afternoon but we still weren’t done talking, when I stayed with Anisa in her lovely home, when Aunty Fidi came to stay for a few days, the time I spent in London earlier this year with my baby girl before heading to SA. What a delight to enjoy the adult your child has become. Then having Tom and Ayesha here for my my birthday this year, and a trip to Toronto last winter to celebrate my aunty’s 90th birthday which was so filled with love. These visits are sometimes too brief, but I treasure the deep meaningful connections, especially in my lonely moments.
Of course there are lonely moments. I’m learning that you grow the most when you navigate the tough times. Life isn’t all roses, but you just have to know that there are roses. As long as you know that, you can keep finding your way back to them. The lows are just pathways to the next high. Sometimes that’s the finish chute on day 7 of the BC Bike Race, or an airplane tour over Garibaldi Provincial Park recognising places you’ve hiked or pedaled from the air, or an aerial view of the Grand Canyon from a helicopter trying to comprehend time and the power of the river carving a canyon for thousands of years. Sometimes its seeing yourself on the 7mesh website, or in print in Freehub, a mountain biking magazine. Wait! What? Did that actually happen? Damned right, it did.
But not all the highs are big experiences. Sometimes its stumbling upon the perfect colony of mushrooms just pushing their way out of the earth, or an owl sighting, or being in the forest early and watching the long shadows. It’s time in the forest, listening to the trees whisper their secrets. Other times its listening to the ravens bark and showing someone my favourite tree(s). Seeing a fox dash up a hill was such a magical moment for me this summer. A bear or a deer sighting never ever gets old. My heart always stills in a way that you’re afraid to breathe for breaking the spell.
Next year I turn 59 and begin my 60th year. I am restless in Squamish these days, wondering what’s next for me. Even with my itchy feet, I ride through the forest or along the the river, look up at the mountains and still, even after 10 years, can’t believe how lucky I am to live here.
I jokingly say to these people dreading their 50s that had I known it was going to be so much fun, I’d have done it a lot earlier. These have truly been the best years of my life and I am so excited to see what lies ahead.