There’s a big gap between “I should do that race next year, it sounds like fun” and the reality of “How can it be less than 3 weeks to the race?”

Last November when I applied to join the All Bodies on Bikes team at SBT GRVL it seemed like a reasonably achievable goal. It was 10 months away, I had time and big dreams on my side. I knew I had Moab Rocks in the spring so counted on that being the training foundation to build on. Here I am 8 months into a training program, having done one race, and there are less than 3 weeks between 100 miles and all that climbing at SBT GRVL and Poor Little Me.

Poor Little Me is freaking out here, I’m not going to lie. What if its too hard? What if I can’t finish? What if the sky falls down? Logical Me says trust the process, just focus on the next aid station, keep moving and get to the next aid station. But Poor Little Me is a drama queen and demands attention so she brings her friend Self Doubt along.

Self Doubt is the worst. She’s the voice that slithers around your best intentions and drags you down into the snake pit. “Who did you think you are trying to do this? At your age? You think you can start training and race at this age? Good luck with that! You’re too fat to race anyway. Train all you want, you’ll still be slow”, she hisses. I can almost hear her Cruella laugh mocking me.

I just have to silence the voice and keep turning the pedals. I’ve put in 8 solid months of training with a great coach who believes in me even when I doubt myself. Yes, I’m still slow, but I’m unapologetic about that. It’s my best effort and it’s how I ride. OK, I know I stop for wild flowers and I will promise myself to do that less on race day. And you see this ass – that’s the engine that turns the pedals. As many damned times as I need to to make it to that finish line.

I need to remind myself that I CAN ride 100 miles because I have been 100% committed to every workout so that I can meet that goal. It will likely take 10 or 11 hours but that’s ok too. My body can do it, I just need to keep my mind on track. I will remind myself how far I’ve come in these 8 months, how much stronger I am – physically and mentally. I know it’s going to suck at some point – but I just need to remind myself that I’m strong enough to push through the difficulty. I just need to keep my eye on the prize – cross that finish line with a smile on my face is the only goal.

One pedal stroke at a time.

And If I can’t? Because sometimes life goes awry- you fall, your bike breaks … all sorts of things can pull the rug out from underneath you. That’s not failure, that’s just learning. Not showing up on that start line would be failure. Showing up unprepared on that start line would be failure. But showing up and giving it my best effort would never be a fail – just a lesson.